From Under the Weight of Doubt

I thought I would feel reassured about having uncertainty and unsureness in my life and the future, because so many other people that I know and have encountered in my life who are going through doubt with having an unforeseeable future. I mean I should feel more confident in this struggle that I face every day, knowing that there are other people fighting against this same thing... right?
Well as much as I wish that would help, it really doesn't do much. I guess that is why I am supposed to be solely dependent on the one who has all things accounted for and knows what the future has in store for me.

Well...

Life kind of sucks right now. Just wish I knew what was going on with me right now, and why nothing seems to make sense. God keeps throwing me curve balls, and every time I swing, I just miss it.

Friends

It's funny how friends change over time, especially when they are not around in your present life like they were in the past. I left my best friends in Yucaipa behind and thought that they could never be replaced, because of what we have shared growing up together and the bond that we had formed up to that point in my life. As I started school at Biola, I began to realize that the friendships I began to form were becoming just as amazing and irreplaceable as I thought that the ones I had back home were. It was hard being away from home and it still is, but it is even harder to see my best friends change in ways that I know aren't good, because I feel as if I am not as much of a part of their life as I used to be.
I feel like I have just been disconnected from what my friends back home have been going through, and they seem to be making really dumb decisions. Some days I wish that I wasn't at home to hear about what stupid things my friends are doing, or see how screwed up their view is on life and what really matters. I wish they could be in a place like Biola that could change their life in a way like it changed mine, but I see that they have no desire to change the way they live, which in turn makes me feel more distant from them.
Distance and misunderstanding seems to be how I view my friends from home now, and it hurts so much to compare where I used to be with those friends to where I am with them at this point in my life. It almost seems like the friends have made in the last year and a half have begun to replace the friends back home, which I thought were irreplaceable. But the more that I think about my friends, whether at school or home; distant or close; great or bad, they are still friends that have been placed in my life for a reason. I am just hoping that whatever those reasons are for my friends being where they are in their lives, that I would be a friend that all of them could look at and see someone who is faithful and influential towards them no matter what happens in my life. And I hope that I can embrace the great friendships that I have now for all of their blessings, and fight for my friends who need someone to lift them up in times of struggle.